It’s the forbidden fruit from which most of us are created, consumed, chastised, cautious, calloused, and cycled into a tainted framework of thinking. For some of us, it may be the women in our lives on a familial basis that have treated our feelings as disposable and easily disputed over their own. And the conversation may not come in harsh tones, something as simple as disappointment will have you second guess yourself and your course or actions, the way you feel, think, see, and knowingly pursue your path in life. Sometimes the opposition comes from women in places of power, where they dominate and feel that new ideas or new approaches will not reach the pinnacle of success that they have guaranteed.
Toxic Femininity is the dehumanization, demoralization, and the defamation of human experience.
A person expressed to me that toxic masculinity opened the premise for toxic femininity. Toxic masculinity is expressed to be an alpha male bravado that is verbalized in violence and narcissism with no regard for emotional development and poor social cues. Toxic Femininity envelopes narcissism but masters the manipulation of emotional development. There are some bouts of violence, but overall it is mind games taken to extremes where you are the puppet and the puppet master has pulled on heart strings which you then dictate your future. Prime examples of this would be a unhealthy mother and daughter relationship or a overtly exhausting friendship.
I had asked a question on Facebook of instances where people encountered Toxic Women, the common denominator for most responses was the entitlement that certain woman may feel and the imminent threat of becoming invisible. As many people that responded their answer was also to cut these type of women off completely from their lives or to not associate with this type of person.
So who holds them accountable? Who corrects them when they are wrong?
Toxic woman believe it or not, are lonely creatures of habit. Some women do not think of their habits to be unhealthy. It has been projected and promoted, that the law is always for a woman and that other party would usually suffer consequences when there is a case of sexual assault, physical abuse, child support, and custody of a child. But I will say this a lot of women abuse this privilege, and as a result, families and friendships are destroyed, career opportunities are taken away, and the vicious cycle continues.
Can this be deemed as a deep rooted insecurity turned obsession to never be challenged?
I’ll admit many women can proactively mold a unfulfilling situation to there benefit if they feel they haven’t gotten what they think they deserve. We see this plainly in two facets: Men under accusations and familial ties that are in pursuit to destroy one’s dreams, goals, and happiness.
We cannot blame others for the decisions we make, nor can we plead our case to the God that judges us. Free will is free.
So why hasn’t this topic been covered and why is toxic masculinity the only conversation that is harped on? I’ll say this it is easy to gang up on the image of men who present emotional unavailability, lack a presence in integrity, and are sexual harpies.
I believe this toxic mindset for both men and women is a learned behavior that starts from the home and then is nurtured by society.
But it also our responsibility to set boundaries and rebuke in love. Remember it is always starts from the root not the branch.
My personal experience with toxic women originated in the home and then showed its ugly head in school and life experiences. Growing up with a single parent where bitterness harvested due to poorly nurtured experiences and the infrastructure for communication was limited due to culture; it wasn’t easily identified as toxic. It was a Unconditional love where it was rigid and unexplained.
So imagine growing up where enjoyment and experiences had to be a secret at all times, from your first kiss to your first boyfriend. Culture and religion had a great influence on the toxicity because it was force feeding this imagery that if you were this type of woman you wouldn’t be respected, if you carried these type of friends you’d turn out just like them, and to preserve your life experiences after a career is established.
While is sounds like good and respectable parenting, there was no emotionally sound communication, there was no infrastructure of support. Just a “what I say goes” mentality and this just was accepted generationally as a norm which I’ve noticed.
This became evident on the familial level as I got older but just manifested in different ways. Where others would remain silent about how they felt and their curiosity would be met with either coded parables of yelling and screaming or the children of each generation would voyage out to find the truth to an experience and validate their thought process without saying a thing to the “neck of the home”. Some families have utilized their culture to dominate the women in the home so much so, that what should be deemed as reverence has turned into a fear or shame to be one’s unique self.
In school, it was the friendships that people entertained and with each person coming from a different home experiences you would see it manifest in a “Mean Girl’s” genre. Children were picking up the behaviors of their parental figures and now exercising them in the classroom to the the lunchroom. This even extends into the real life during and after college. Scary to think that toxicity of the home now extended into adulthood of unresolved issues.
“I’m just a soul’s who’s intentions are good, oh Lord please don’t let me be misunderstood”-Nina Simone